This time around, I don’t care who knows that I am getting some help.

I started therapy at 40 years old for a number of reasons, the most pressing being that I am newly separated from my husband.

We have three kids and I thought it would be a good idea to get them into therapy to help process the devastation we were causing them by breaking up.

I do not have any experience with parents that are split because mine are still together after 50+ years and my exes were together up until my mother-in-law passed away.

My intention is to cause as little harm to the kids as possible and talking to someone who is not a parent may be beneficial. That is my thought process anyways.

Since I was arranging therapy for the kids, I thought, what the hell, I’ll get some too.

I have done therapy literally once in the past, about 2 years ago.

I went to one session, and I really liked it but did not return. Probably because I didn’t want anyone to know and booking a session without anyone asking questions was a difficult feat.

My Background

Without getting too, too personal, there are a few main reasons why I decided to seek therapy for myself. 

Within a year (2022), the following situations have occurred in my life:

• Caring for an ill family member (sister)
• Sister passing away
• Fighting with twin brother
• Cutting off all ties with said brother
• Separating from husband

There is more that has happened just this year, but those are the highlights, or really, low lights of 2022.

Not to mention the fact that previous to 2022, I moved back to my parent’s house with my family with whom we still live. This was not a decision that I wanted to make as I never wanted to move back to my home province, and still do not want to be here.

Suffice it to say, I have lots to talk about and work through.

My First Therapy Session at 40 Years Old

Yesterday was my first therapy session as a separated 40-year-old.

It was mostly an intake session, the therapist was asking why I was there, what she can help me with, and a bit of background information.

I really like my therapist, she seems down to earth and helpful.

When I was talking about my ex and me, she asked me an interesting question that I was surprised I hadn’t really thought about before. 

“What are you looking for in a partner?”

That seemingly simple question caused me to pause and think. The only things I could come up with on the spot were:

1. Someone who is present (not checked out)
2. Someone who doesn’t have to be told what to do, they just do it.

After this pathetic list of wants in a partner, she suggested that I really think about what I want so that I can assess if my ex is willing to put in the work to become this person, or not.

I’m sure he can come up with a list for me too, but we’re talking about me here!

What I want to accomplish from therapy

My therapist asked me this question, and on the spot, I came up with a few things.

• Better communication skills: Coming from a family that is not very open or talky, feely, I am not great at expressing myself. I generally wait until I can’t take it anymore and snap. This is not very conducive to a healthy relationship, so I would like some help in that department.
• Talk through this year: A lot has happened in a short period of time and I would like some help to process it all.
• General adulting help: Adulting is hard. I would like some assistance with situations as they arise in my life. I find it helpful to talk to someone who is totally outside my situation and can offer different and useful opinions on what to do.

Summary

For these reasons and I’m sure more, I see myself continuing therapy. I have already booked another session for a couple of weeks from now. I am going to go bi-weekly because I only have so much time and benefits cover a specific dollar amount. This time around, I don’t care who knows that I am getting some help. I fucking need it and am not ashamed to seek help.

Keep going, keep going, keep going…